


Alternating Patterns

by storiesfortravellers



Category: White Collar
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Character Study, F/M, M/M, Mages, Mentions of Neal's past canon relationships, Mild Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:29:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal is allowed to ask a mage to change one thing about himself. He looks at his past to figure out what he needs to ask for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alternating Patterns

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for the most recent ep of White Collar.
> 
> Written for trope bingo for the supernatural AU square.

Different mages had different specialties: some dealt in hidden knowledge of ancient times, others dealt in defeating enemies, and others still dealt in warding one’s goods. It was well known that mages sometimes tricked people, that they gave what was asked for literally but added some twist that made all the difference: the man who asked that his wife’s looks returned to their younger state, who then found his young wife wanting a divorce, or the unpopular politician who wanted to be beloved by all and then found that voters felt he was “too nice” to be tough on crime and defense. But for most people, the possibility of unforeseen consequences was worth the risk.

The mage that Neal was going to specialized in granting people the power to change the one thing about themselves that they most wanted to change. It was not an easy meeting to get. Mages’ services were sought after and hard to access; most people would never even meet one, much less be granted a favor from one. But June had an old friend that was willing to grant Neal an audience, provided Neal was willing to be on the waiting list for a few years (and it was odd, even with all he knew about June, to imagine her throwing back whiskey shots at a jazz club with a mage).

When it was finally nearing the time when Neal would have his audience, he started to think about what he would ask. There was the rule, of course: Neal was not permitted to tell anyone his request before he made it to the mage. 

Peter, naturally, said that the only reasonable choice would be to ask to no longer be tempted to commit crimes, though he was clearly quite terrified that Neal would ask to change the weaknesses that usually got him caught.

Mozzie said that the clear choice was for Neal to ask to no longer be so attached to the Bureau and to no longer wish for things that were incompatible with his personal talents and lifestyle. Mozzie, of course, was fairly clearly scared that Neal was going to ask for his criminal tendencies to be curtailed. 

Jones had reminded him of all that Peter had done for him, but otherwise didn’t pressure him too much. Diana had wished him luck and casually commented that according to the news, most people going to personal change mages ask for either addiction help or a larger penis, and that the latter is a complete waste of time, since at the very least one should ask for good all-around sexual technique. Neal had assured her that he wasn’t going to waste his audience on any improvements that could be served with products from late night advertisements.

Elizabeth had just hugged Neal and said that she had faith that he would do the right thing. Neal thought that this seemed like dirty pool. Even if Neal hadn’t been sharing Peter and El’s bed for months, it would have been hard to say no to.

But even with all the advice of his friends, Neal had a hard time deciding. But as he looked back over his life, at all the things he’s learned, and all the things he feels he still hasn’t learned, he comes to a decision.

**

 

When Neal found out that his father wasn’t a hero, something broke, something powerful enough to shape who Neal was for most of his teenage years.

People don’t notice a bridge until it collapses, Neal knew. And it was the same with things one imagines: people don’t understand the power of what the imagination builds until something shatters it. 

For years, Neal had imagined a father who would have wanted him to be a police officer, who would have been proud of him, who would have wanted to mold him into being just like him. 

Neal hated being a cliché, and nothing was more cliché than father issues. But he had to admit: every important relationship he’s had with men – Mozzie, then Adler, then Peter -- has been with a man who wanted to mentor him, mold him, shape him Pygmalion-like into some new, more acceptable form. Someone who recognized his potential and wanted to nurture in the direction of his own image.

After all this time, Neal was starting to figure out that getting attached to men like this was really just a way of clinging to men who weren’t satisfied with who Neal already was.

**

Neal’s relationships with women were different (and he hoped that didn’t make him a sexist). 

Sure, he liked smart, strong, beautiful women. Women of good taste and good humor and cleverness and kindness.

But as he thought of Kate and Alex and Sara and Rebecca and El, he had to admit, there was a certain repetition. The women were completely different, but how Neal fell for them had been the same.

Neal had started out wanting to use them.

Maybe he just needed the excuse of a job to allow himself to let someone in. That’s what Mozzie thought, anyway. Maybe he was just finding reasons to spend more time with women he was attracted to. 

Maybe he only fell in love with women who could be – at least for a while – conned by him. Maybe he couldn’t ever be in a relationship without the security of believing that he if he needed to, he could stop her from seeing the real him. 

Maybe he just got turned on by using people.

None of these possibilities were especially flattering. And it usually just meant that he broke someone’s heart or destroyed their life (or with Kate, both).

Of course, there was the other thing that most of these women shared: they started out as women who followed the rules, and the longer they knew Neal, the less they cared about that.

Alex had been a thief long before she met Neal, of course. But Kate, Sara, and even El fit the description at times. Sara, when Neal met her, would never have taken the Raphael back happily and without an arrest. Kate became a thief herself. El only advocated breaking the law to help her loved ones, but still. Even Rebecca had known Neal’s type better than he himself did, well enough to craft the ideal persona to draw him in – an innocent he could use and corrupt and endanger and save, a perfect catharsis of every relationship of his past.

And when he thinks of all the things Peter has done for him, Neal thinks that Peter, somehow, fits into this category all too well.

Neal knew there was something wrong with him. With how he loved, with whom he loved. Men or women, Neal knew he brought nothing good to the people around him. 

He knew that something had to change.

He loved Peter and El. But he had loved all the others too. He knew this could never go anywhere good. Not with what his past told him about himself.

 

**

 

Audiences were brief. Neal was expected to succinctly state his case.

“I keep getting in the same kinds of relationships. Over and over again. Please help me change.”

There was a minute in which the mage said nothing.

“We’ll see,” the mage finally said.

Neal looked at him. “Is that it?”

“Tell June I’m looking forward to poker night,” the mage said and dismissed him.

Neal walked out, uncertain.

The more he walked, the angrier he was. At the mage for getting his hopes up by agreeing to an audience. And at himself, for thinking that there was hope.

 

**

He arrived at the Burkes, and Peter asked him, “Did you ask to stop being a criminal? Or to be a better one?” 

“Neither,” Neal said curtly.

Peter looked confused, like he wanted to ask more, but he just nodded. Neal strode past him and headed into the kitchen, saying, “Is that El’s red pepper chicken I smell?”

**

A year later, Neal ran into the mage again at one of June’s parties. Neal was polite of course – nobody offended a mage. But when the others in the group left to grab more appetizers, Neal was surprised that the mage smiled at him and said, “You’re welcome.”

“What?”

“You’re still with your lovers, yes?”

Neal wasn’t sure if that was something that mages just knew or if he had been indiscreet, but he didn’t answer. 

“And you are happy,” the mage continued. “You’re welcome.”

“I asked to not repeat the same patterns,” Neal said, confused.

“In the past, you were scared. I made you less scared.”

Neal thought for a moment. His chest felt tight suddenly, as he thought of all the times in the past year when things could have gone very wrong, when Neal had opened up instead of closing off, when he had told the truth when his instincts told him not to. 

He thought of the times when Peter or El seemed worried, and Neal, somehow, managed to project a confidence that comforted them.

He thought of how safe he felt when he slept in Peter and Elizabeth’s bed, as if nothing in the world could touch them. 

He looked up and swallowed. “Thank you,” Neal said, his eyes watering.

“Damn right, thank you,” the mage said. He looked down at his glass, then, and said, “I’m getting more wine. You know June gives out the good stuff. See you around, Neal.”

Neal nodded and drank a big gulp from his own cup. Across the room, he saw El and Peter talking to Diana. El waved for him to come over.

Neal put his glass down and went, finally admitting to himself the boldness, the sureness, he felt as he walked toward him.

It felt even better than his first con.


End file.
